asshole

(Source: cafepaige)
So I was just telling my sister this story and I thought I’d share with you guys too (cause she told me to).
So yesterday, I was running around the neighborhood and I saw a huge outdoor lizard (whatever they are called). Shocked as I was I stopped in my tracks, and stifled a scream. At that exact same time that huge lizard ran away leaving a helpless lizard beneath him. I then realized what had happen right before my eyes.
Horny little reptiles, have they no shame to do such a scandalous act outdoors where the rest of mother nature could see them. Fear not though, I had little to tell upon them as I do not speak reptile and could be bothered less.
Nevertheless, a depressing situation still held its place. The female would not move, no matter how many times I threatened to kill her with my shoe (which I’ll never do). Stayed there breathless as I was, our rhythmic breathing almost one. A good long while they must have been doing, such heinous thoughts wracked my brain.
I pace back and forth, attempting to jump over. But a coward I was. I think about my grandmother and how she would be ashamed of me.. Oh grandmother 😪
BUT LOW AND BELHOLD when a group of rather pleasant looking guys were coming in the direct from which I came. I had to make a choice right there and then, face the lizard or face the group of dudes. Think much did I not. I took the leap, the leap of faith. To which of my surprised, I survived and sprint home. I thought of Mulan and the similarities I faced. I conquered the lizard, without the dudes. I emerged victorious!
Well basically the meaning of the story is… When trouble comes your way, no matter how frightening. The guy always runs first. The end.
(Source: familyguyfun)

(Source: serialstranger)
(Source: fuckyeahmcgosling)
If I could bring any celebrity back it would be Steve Irwin, he made my childhood man :c

(Source: gleeks)
(Source: everettsarfati)
(Source: martymikalski)
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